Articles Archives - Hope and Healing with Peers

Week Three: Navigating Social Gatherings

Dec 20, 2024 | Articles

Social gatherings during the holidays can be especially difficult when you’re grieving. Being surrounded by others who may not understand your pain, or encountering traditions that feel incomplete without your loved one, can bring anxiety or sadness.

Decide What Feels Right for You

It’s okay to decline invitations or leave early if a gathering feels overwhelming. You can even share in advance: “I’d love to join, but I might not stay the whole time.”

Create an Exit Plan

If you do attend a gathering, have an exit plan. Drive separately or plan a code word with someone you trust, so you can leave when you need to.

Honor Your Feelings

If tears come or you feel a wave of sadness, let it happen. Your emotions are valid and a natural part of grieving.

Bring Their Memory into the Gathering

Consider subtle ways to include your loved one:
– Share a favorite memory or story.
– Toast in their honor.
– Bring a dish they loved to the event.

Remember they shared your life, keeping their memory alive not only helps you, but others who loved that person.

Balance Connection with Solitude

You may crave connection at times and solitude at others. Listen to what you need and adjust accordingly. When these feelings arise go with what feels right to you-this is part of self-care.

Week 2: Honoring Your Loved One

Dec 9, 2024 | Articles

When someone we love is no longer here to celebrate the holidays with us, their absence can feel even more profound. However, the love and memories they gave us don’t disappear they remain part of who we are. Finding ways to honor your loved one can be a comforting way to keep their spirit alive.

Create a Special Ritual

Rituals provide structure to our grief. You might:
– Light a candle in their memory.
– Set up a special ornament or decoration in their honor.
– Write them a letter expressing your feelings.

Carry on a Tradition They Loved

Was there a holiday activity or dish they adored? Continuing these traditions can feel like sharing the season with them. My husband loved Baklava which I always made at Christmas and I continued to make it in his memory over the next few years.

Make New Traditions in Their Honor

Start something fresh, like donating to a cause they cared about, volunteering in their memory, or creating a “memory jar” for family to contribute to.

Share Stories and Memories

Talking about your loved one can keep their memory alive. Sharing stories or inviting others to contribute memories can deepen the connection. During that first Thanksgiving while we were gathered around the table each person shared a memory, usually a funny story about my husband and also my mom as she had died the year before. This helped so much because it removed “The Elephant in the Room.”

Give Yourself Grace

Honoring your loved one should feel right for you. Go at your own pace and adjust as needed.

Coping with the Holidays: A 5-Week Series

Dec 4, 2024 | Articles

This series is designed to provide comfort, guidance, and hope for those navigating the holiday season after the loss of a loved one. Each week we will focus on a different aspect of coping and healing.

Week 1: Acknowledging the Pain of the Holidays

The holiday season is often described as the “most wonderful time of the year.” But for those of us grieving the loss of someone we love, it can feel anything but wonderful. The familiar traditions, the festive music, even the twinkling lights can stir feelings of sadness, loneliness, and longing. It’s okay to feel this way.

Grief has no timeline, and the holidays often intensify the ache of absence. Memories of past celebrations can bring both comfort and pain, leaving us wondering how we’ll face the season without them. The truth is, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by the emotions that arise during this time of year.

Be Honest with Yourself and Others

You don’t have to force yourself to “be okay” or pretend to feel festive. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve and to acknowledge how you’re truly feeling. Share your emotions with trusted friends or family members who will listen without judgment.

If someone asks how you’re doing, it’s okay to be honest. You might say, “I’m finding the holidays to be really challenging this year.”

Set Realistic Expectations

You don’t have to do everything you’ve always done. It’s okay to skip certain traditions or simplify your plans if they feel too overwhelming. Take each day as it comes and allow yourself to say no to anything that feels too much. My first Thanksgiving was held at my brother’s home and without that added pressure, getting through that first holiday was a little easier.

Take Care of Yourself

Grief takes a toll on both the body and mind, so be gentle with yourself. Make space for rest, moments of quiet, or activities that bring you a sense of peace. Whether it’s a short walk, journaling your feelings, or simply sitting with a cup of tea, these small acts of self-care can make a difference.

You’re Not Alone

Above all, remember that you’re not alone in this. Many people struggle with the holidays after a loss. Reaching out to others who understand, whether through a support group or a trusted friend, can be a source of comfort and strength.

This holiday season may not be the same as it was, and that’s okay. Acknowledging the pain is the first step toward finding your way through it.